New Start? /old start or Internet Relocation

It's 3:29am..I've wasted a few hours on myspace and trying to get into a forum I've been banned from-I'm stuck on dial-up where I live so it's a good excuse to fall back on for why I haven't been on the Net/added to my "journal" for so long...

Probably too late to write anything worth reading now so I'll just cut and paste my blog from the old local on myspace and start writting blogs in Word and posting them online later or soemthing...


So this is how this blog started on myspace...as you can see it's been too long between posts but I guess that kinda illustrates how entrenched my procrastination is..

hopefully this ball will get rolling soon..
=cloudface=

14 Feb 2007

Work it out Current mood: contemplative Category: Life Started 10:55pm 14/2/07 Fairly tired; I think I'm getting my wisdom teeth or something cuz I'm getting terrible pains in the back of my top jaw-but it's intermitent pain which is more annoying since I seem to be able to deal with constant pain a little better. Slept from 4am-7am this morning but I figured the 4 hour nap I took yesterday (because of mouth pain) would've helped even things out..anyway hopefully my tiredness will cut down on my rambling and not make me forget my "good things to write". My real name's Ross, never really liked it. My mum baught me one of those "Name Meaning" magnets a coupla years back and it's got a quote at the bottom that says: "There are two ways to live life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is though everything is a miracle" I find this really funny in an ironic kinda way because if you were either type of person with the name Ross you'd find find either true. Too often I , in the words of Echo from the TV show Lost "mistake coincidence for fate" or at least see patterns where there aren't (which is also apparently what people with my ENFP personality type do as well-which is doubly funny). Today I started a sort of "rehab" exercise program at a local gym with a physio, set up through this oranisiation called CRS that's supposed to help deadbeats get back onto the job treadmill. I've never really been to a gym before-belieiving them to be a den of wankers and tryhards with more money than sense ie it's cheaper to go for a walk and buy some dumbells than sign up to a gym-so it was kind of a "unique experience" for me. The phsyio showed me how to work the machines and soem stretches and exercises to do and I'm fairly non-plussed about it all. Once he'd shown me through the basics of this "circuit" he'd designed for me he left and said it was up to me to give it a go. I thought, "Pfft, no worries" but after doing ten minutes on a treadmill, ten on an exercise bike and ten on a crosstrainer I felt like throwing up like those fatties do on the Fattest Looser. My circuit then involves doing some gay looking stretches on the floor then doing some sqauts-which feel weird cuz you don't bend your knees you stick your arse out-then some shoulder presses (I think they're called?), bench presses, some row machine thingies and some lat pull down things. I only made it up to the squats and the shoulder press things before feeling buggered. It's surprising how unfit you find out you are when you have to do more exercise than walk around or just go about your business. I also went for a half hour walk up and down a bunch of hills with mum this afternoon. I'm supposed to do this circuit thing 5 times a week to help me get in a routine and get active and tire me out so I sleep better and stuff-judging by how I've gotten sleepily distracted during typing this and my brain's going to mush I guess the sleep part should at least happen. Think I'll try and get off the Net and go get some sleep now...I'll really have to get some goals or whatever listed to properly show what I'm aiming to achieve-problem is I've always had a hard time deciding "what to do with my life", obviously I guess..anyway I'll try that tomorrow.. Here's a few pix from today: In my "BEFRE" shirt-was supposed to be "BEFORE" but I decided to paint it after taking Diazapan-before deciding to resize it and not noticing I'd left out the O. My ma made me smile for the photo-I think I look like a cock . I had a shve after this. Sign out the front of my brothers old school-never noticed they even had a sign thingy.."ooooh, maybe it MEANS something!" That'll do fer today. end 12:40am 15/2/07 4:42 AM - 0 Comments - 0 Kudos - Add Comment - Edit - Remove

"PRELUDE" Category: Life PRELUDE start 12:37am 14/2/07 Procrastion has always been my my most costitant attribute-words to form this "Prelude" have been running around my head for at least a week or two and I've tried starting this type of "epreiment" or "project" maybe half a dozen times in the past. I was going to "start" this on Monday or today but didn't-I'm tired of putting things off and over thinking what to write so I'll just start this here and now before the Stillnox I just took kicks in and I make even less sense than I am now. I feel like I should mention I've watch a coupla dodo's on Kerouac and Selby lately and dig their style of trying to edit yourself as little as possible and try for an euthentic "flow of conciousness"-I've learnt from tring this in the past that trying this can end up with writting that's more hamfisted than elogant (at least for me) but at least it's more genuine and that's all I'm really hoping for. So let's call "this" started. What is "this" though? "This", what you're reading, what I'm "doing' is in short I guess an attempt to change my life-don't know that there's a less wankyer way of putting it. Obviously everyone tries to change their life in some way and I'm not the first person that's believed since they were young that they were "meant to do something" or "be someone" and kept getting report cards complainging about how I had more potetial than my gradea and how I'd have gotten much higher marks if I had've gotten my assignments in on time-I'm not claiming this to be an entirely original idea. There's this thing in science though, that things change as soon as their observed and as far as I know there hasn't been a great deal of people that have "changed their life around" in "real time". I'm hoping by making my intentions known online for all to see that it in some way enhances my atempts or at the very least proves wrong certain "self-help" etc theories or shows others 'what not to do'. I guess to put it another way, I saw a TV show called "The Secret" all about "the law of attraction" a couple of weeks ago and this is an experient to test it out-as well as any other theories or bits and pieces of advice I pick up on the way. I feel like this intro is running the risk of becoming longwinded and I think the Stillnox is kicking in so I'll wrap it up with a few particulars: -I'm 27; I live in a suburb 30mins south of Brisbane Australia with my parents; I'm unemployed; I've been diagnosed with depression and a couple of years ago with bi-polar (which I don't fully believe since I'm rarely 'hyper'), I've got a lot of motivation problems and all that blah blah blah; I've got about $2,500 in credit card debt; I'm 'sort-of' single which means I still see my ex sometimes; I used to be a lot better at art and music and writting and I wish I still was. That'll do for now, I hope to add to this diary or journal at least every couple of days, maybe every day-I read one guys wesite a while back on motivation or something and he claimed having to post to his blog every day gave him the motivation to live more interestingly and do more..or was it that he was at least doing something by blogging-both could be true really. -Currently reading: "The Complete idiots guide to creative visualison" Hope this turns out to be somewhere in the vacinity of "an interesting read" cloudout end 1:19am Posted this at 3:40am ish...somehow I didn't pass out from that Stillnox...maybe this is sleep typing?...gotta go see a physio at a gym at 11am so I should prolly get some sleep now.. 14/2/07 10:28pm Before I do the next blog I feel I should add that I'm not trying to do some sort of "hyper reality"/Artic Monkey's type bullshit where I'm trying to amass a shitload of "Friends" thru Myspace-heck I'll probably be lucky if ten people at the most see these blogs etc it's more the thought that anyone COULD go "Hey I know that silly douche-what's this Myspazz malarky he's doing all about?" and then read this and go "BAH! That silly douche he hasn't changed 'for the positive' or any of that bullshit" and then give me a good ribbing when they see me IRL. Saw a bit of this movie called Ensign Pulver a month or so ago-was mainly just flipping past it but I saw this bit with the "lovers" of the fairly dull old movie talking on the beach and the girl (talking about how her family are all into 'business') delivers a line to the boy that goes something along the lines of: "Turn your liabilities into your strengths". I guess that sums up better what I'm doing with this blog thing etc-anyway enough of this prelude rambling crap onto detailing all my myriad of liabilites..